demented projectionist
Tuesday, May 27, 2003
  ok, ima get what i can before i have to work, if i get cut off, ill edit the rest in later.
so i was sitting at work watching parts of bruce almighty. as im sitting here, my mind starts to wander, and i think "what if it was me that inherited all of Gods power?" well, alot of people would probably do what he does: gain revenge on those that have done him wrong, help his girlfriend become more endowed, drive a fast as hell car...etc. well personally, i wouldnt worry about those that have done me wrong, ima rather forgiving person. (plus we will also get to why i wouldnt worry in a minute), 2, my girlfriend is already perfect (ok, so you are gonna go "how corny" or "yeah right" or something to that effect...but i dont care what ppl say, i do think shes rather perfect, and wouldnt have it any other way) and i think that using powers to get a faster car is a waste of ability and rather selfish thinking and anybody that would be so self absorbed as to use powers to get a car like that should be flogged and slowly roasted over an open fire....okay, it was hard to keep a straight face. of course id drive a saleen or ferarri, or lotus or astin martin, and id also perfect my nova.
the next thing id do is take a week off, and build my own little world. i mean, i spend all of my time off in my own little world anyway, why not make it official. of course, id take shelby with me. she is my world, and what would my own little world be without her. we could actually be together and nobody would say anything about it, because it is my world. now id give each member of her family an opportunity to come live on my planet, as well as my family. any one of them would have a choice to return any time they chose, but also giving up the privaledge of living in my world (ill get to the reason in a few minutes). Id also take a few of the loyal followers and ppl who have stuck by shelby and i thru everything that weve been thru, such as jessica, tasha, gabe, kelson, chris, jerad (kinda iffy here right now), and a few select others...+1 "guest" apiece. there would be a hard line to this order to maintain contact with everybody else, but it would be a relatively isolated place. for transportation, i would use my powers to get cars like a 68 shelby gt 500, a lotus espirit turbo, shelby ac cobra, astin martin vanquish...etc. but they wouldnt run on fact they wouldnt run on anything...they would just run, indefinately. no problems with engines, no flat tires, nothing. perfect running until the end of my world. for food, there would be the equivilant of a fast food restaurant, except nobody working it, and real food. no cooking, no cleanup, etc. walk up to the window, say "id like some chicken cordon bleu, a side of kalamari, some crab rangoon, and a slice of pepperoni pizza" and youd get it (all non-fattening of course). Since music is my life...there would be sound basically piped into the streets. current music would be uplinked to my world from earth, and only the good stuff. if i wanted to hear a song i hadnt, it would automatically be done. of course i wouldnt choose all the music, cuz we got a wide variety of people there, but there would be different sections for different types of music. and of course (ok, so the other 2 members of my band would have to be there as well) kelson, stan, russ and i would have all of our equpiment and be able to still write and play music. and the final touch (shelby, you are gonna love this) chocolate and caramel grow on trees. not like the cheap stuff, im talking cadbury egg caramel, or the apple dip stuff. and the chocolate would be in liquid orgasm rich chocolate. basically the best chocolate and caramel possible...a delicacy if you will. now i wouldnt want (for when God took back over) to have it where 2 worlds had to be watched over, i mean, i figure with the few people we have, there shouldnt be much problems. but if we all start to reproduce, and eventually, we have 2 planets, full of whiney people that all need attention. so after i die, so does the planet. everybody would come back to earth, and live out the rest of their life. now in a perfect world (which it is by the way) i would die of natural causes...and at a time that both shelby and i are ready to die, so neither of us would have to be alone in this life or the next...too much of that already.  
Friday, May 23, 2003
  all right, so this morning, ima talk about the emmense feeling of euphoria when you hear music. well, lets put it this way...i watched one of my favorite bands (a local band formerly known as dear caroline, who just last night changed their name to sublimate) who plays mostly an instrumental prog rock. the first half of the show, i was broken down to tears, minus the tears. (part of this may be because i looked over and saw shelby soaking up the music as well, lights shining down upon her making her look very angelic, and basically this out of this world beauty that i really cannot explain). the second half of the show, the music seemed to suck everything right out of me, all the emotion of fear, desparation, and anger, leaving this emmense void. i felt really hollow, which at the same time was kinda scary, kinda dark, but really cool. the last song, took the void, and filled it. no more fear, no more loneliness, no more sadness, i was filled with this sense of elation. so of course, kelson and i went to play after that. i got my guitar, and amp, he got his, we went to his garage, and played. oh my god it felt so good to play again. we wrote an intro to some lyrics i wrote. we let music basically just flow from us, and enrich our souls. between the concert, and writing music last was the most calm, stress free, and worriless ive been in a long time. one thing would have made it perfect, but we cant all have what we want. 
Thursday, May 22, 2003
  ok, so as of now, i think im totally insane. why else would someone take a job from 3 in the morning, until 8 in the morning...oh yeah, for money. its kinda wierd what all people will do for money. that and i am working towards my goals and dreams to become an some sort. so basically im doing as all other human beings, submitting myself to complete and utter torture in order to be happy later. makes no sense, but i guess thats the way it works. 
Monday, May 19, 2003
  so why is it that the fight or flight syndrome doesnt always happen at the time of a crisis? i mean today i was driving, and passing a car. i went about 85+, and the car comming at me was doin about 70. well, i realized it and was able to get in the right lane about 10 feet in front of the car i was passing, probably giveing them a heart attack. i was fine, until i got about 3 miles down the road, then the adrenaline hit me, and i thought i was gonna have a heart attack. not that i nearly died or anything...ok so i did, but the whole human defence mode didnt kick in until well after the didnt work right...i want a refund. 
Sunday, May 18, 2003
  you know, its kinda wierd to think, i remember people that never knew i existed. today at work, i saw quin kelley, someone i hadnt seen in 3 years, and hadnt talked to in like 6. i actually crushed on her a little once. i met her thru cameron who was crushin big time. we went on a trip in middle school together once, i believe for student council, that went to a ropes course to teach leadership and trust. she was in my group, so we actually hung out once. now does she remember me? probably not. if she does, would she remember we hung out once? nah. but i have memories, and thoughts of people i havent seen in years, wondering if they ever think about me, wondering about them. i guess ill never know. 
Saturday, May 17, 2003
  Lets face it...we are all a little psychotic. So why is it that we isolationists get the bad rap? Here's another good question: as a professional isolationist, why is my only fear to be alone? Obviously I dont mean alone like having my "me time," but it does make one think.
Now writing this wasnt totally my idea. Sitting in one of my best friend's garage last night at 3 am, and a group of us are talking. It gets mentioned how several people (myself included) think better when tired. My friend replied, "One day, Im going to write a book, From the Tired Mind of Kelson Crooks. Im going to sit back with a tape recorder, a pack of cigarettes, and a beer and record my museings." then the question was asked "kelson, you smoke?" he said no.
now if by the time you read this he has published this book, go buy it. if he hasnt written it yet, wait for it. if he doesnt ever do it, ignore what i just said.
Credit 2, Samuel Stoddard, who has a page called "i think" at a marvelous web site called rinkworks. My girlfriend introduced me to this site, and i read what this guy had to say. i was like "hey he is pretty cool, i should write down my thoughts as well."
Props 3 would have to go to my girlfriend. she also turned me on to this website you may have heard of called blogger.
Well, im sitting here running on 4 hours of sleep, and 15 solid hours of work, so needless to say, im tired enough to put these three factors together and make this web page.
Now, on this web page, you get to hear my thoughts and feelings. i may go over serious things such as the probabilities of theories caused by desperation working (eg. if we had a kid right now, would her parents restrict her seeing me, oh lets say forever? or would it work out that we would be forced *term used loosely* to be together as hoped. [dont freak out, just something that popped into my head at work, never actually considered it]).
then again, i may go over some things that require less thought, not nearly as important, but something that just popped into my head. (eg. why does it seem that daisy dukes reveal more than, say, bikini's when daisy dukes are made with more material, and cover more skin?).
i also may type up a few theories. a couple years ago, my friends and i discovered a way to theoretically reverse gravity. well, the geniuses we are, didnt write it down, and therefore arent recieving any 6 figure paychecks from nasa. personally, i wouldnt mind a few hundred thousand dollars, so ima type my ideas here as well.
well, i could actually type about anything. being a projectionist gives me hours upon hours of free time. i do nothing but think, because i cant talk to anybody. i push play, and walk. and walk. and thats the extent of my job. so that does it for the prologue. next time, i will actually type something important. (btw, they wont always be this long) 
demented ramblings from the mind of a theater projectionist

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