i enjoyed this article...soemthing to argue over later:
The Mind of a Man
Can't get your man to listen to you? Don't blame the TV or his upbringing -- his brain is wired that way.
By Gina Shaw
Reviewed By Brunilda Nazario, MD
on Tuesday, November 18, 2003
It happens like this: You and your husband come home from a long day at work. You're both tired and stressed. You want to talk about a confrontation you had with your boss and a project that's giving you trouble. He wants to lie on the couch and channel-surf. If you can convince him to listen to you, he promptly tells you what you should have done about the boss blowup. The whole thing turns into an argument, and instead of talking it out with you, he storms off.
At least some part of this argument should sound familiar to many women. We're constantly asking ourselves what's going on in that man's head:
"Why doesn't he ever seem to listen?"
"Why doesn't he remember things I've told him?"
"Why doesn't he notice how messy the house is?"
"What is it with him and that remote control, anyway?"
Turns out he's not just being stubborn, and it's not just how he was raised. According to family therapist Michael Gurian, author of the new book What Could He Be Thinking?, male and female brains are wired differently long before birth. The surge of hormones --testosterone for men, estrogen for women (although we each get some of both hormones) -- that floods our developing fetal brains leads to marked differences in brain development and neural connections.
Brain imaging technologies such as magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) and positron emission tomography (PET) scans demonstrate these differences, says Gurian, who has relied on the work of a variety of neuroscientists and biologists in writing What Could He Be Thinking? These scans can show how and where the brain functions during activities. The typically "male" brain, for example, devotes much more brain area to spatial skills -- things like mechanical design, manipulation of physical objects, and abstraction. With so much brain area devoted to spatials, male brains usually have less area for word use and word production.
There are a number of other differences, and some of them aren't just structural, but chemical. The male brain usually produces less of two powerful chemicals, serotonin and oxytocin, than the female brain does. Serotonin tends to calm us down, while oxytocin may be related to bonding behaviors.
Picturing the Brain
PET scans provide a dynamic, "living color" illustration of male-female brain differences. "If you line up PET scans of 50 male brains and 50 female brains, you'll see more colors lighting up in the female brain because there's about 15% more blood flow, on average, in the female brain," says Gurian. If you show those 100 men and women a picture of someone looking sad, he says, you'll notice that less of the male brain lights up as the men try to figure out the emotion involved. "There's less involvement of the emotive centers and less going on in the hippocampus, where memory storage is."
On the other hand, if the same 100 men and women were asked to do a math or science problem, the PET scan would show, on average, that women used more of their brain to get the answer than the men did. "The male brain tends to be more efficient to lateralize and compartmentalize, which has the advantage of making him more task-focused. The female brain has more [nerve] connections and constantly cross-signals and takes in more, so it tends to see and feel more than the male brain," Gurian says.
And new research from UCLA scientists suggests that male-female brain differences may be genetically hard-wired in place from the very beginning, even before the flood of hormones occurs during fetal development. Studying the brains of male and female mice, researchers found 18 genes produced at higher levels in male brains while 36 genes were produced at higher levels in female brains. "This provides evidence that there are differences in gene expression in male and female brains, before any influence of hormones," says Eric Vilain, MD, assistant professor of human genetics and urology at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA and a pediatrician at UCLA's Mattel Children's Hospital. "It's possible that these genetic differences may influence the development of differences in male and female brain structures, independently of hormonal action."
Why Won't He Talk?
So why doesn't he want to talk? "Males, first of all, don't take in as much of the conversation as women do," Gurian says. "Because we have more cortical areas devoted to spatial mechanicals and fewer verbal centers, we're not getting as much of it, and in general, men will want to end conversations more quickly than women."
When he sprawls on the couch with the remote at the end of the day, a guy may not be deliberately ignoring his wife or girlfriend. The male brain rejuvenates differently than the female brain does, Gurian says. "Using brain scans, University of Pennsylvania neuroscientist Ruben Gur found that the male brain goes to a rest state to rejuvenate much more than the female brain does. To build brain cells and restore himself, a man needs to 'zone out,'" Gurian says. That's why he channel-surfs or stares at the computer.
But the female brain, thanks to all that oxytocin, wants to bond at the end of the day in order to rejuvenate. "She wants to talk, using all those verbal centers, and she wants to get close to him," Gurian says. But the timing's all off. "If the wife takes a break and vents first to someone else -- a friend on the phone, perhaps -- and lets her husband rejuvenate during that zone-out period, he'll be much more prepared to listen later on, during dinner, for example. It's all about timing."
Of course, male-female brain differentiation isn't black and white. We all know men who are better at talking and expressing their feelings than their wives are, and women who can fix a flat while their husband is still on the phone to AAA but would rather get root canal than talk about their feelings. "I'm arguing that there is a broad brain spectrum, and we're all along the continuum," he says. "There isn't just one kind of male and one kind of female."
Gurian has also dubbed some people, both men and women, "bridge brains" -- people whose brain wiring crosses sexes and fits in as much with the predicted behavior of the opposite sex as with their own. "Nature has always liked the exception as much as the rule," he says.
And he's not arguing that men can point to brain research and say, "Great! Now I have an excuse not to talk, to channel-surf all the time, and forget our anniversary."
"Males and females both have to do their part. Men do need to listen to their spouses," Gurian says. "But what I'm suggesting is the natural rhythm is awry right now. If men and women could both understand better how their brains work differently, they could use these natural rhythms to relate better."
Published Nov. 17, 2003.
wow, reading the aug 05 post...really depressing. im not so bad. but anyway, im about to post as this blog was origionally intended, to answer the questions of the universe. a friend and i were talking, and decided that hitler origionally did win the war. at the same time disproved hg wells in the time machine. ok, so hitler actually won the war, but an anti nazi resistance group invented time travel, and gave us and our alies the ablility to win the war, causing 2 different realities. now in the other reality, hitler still reigns supreme. but in ours, we won, and since there was no need for time travel to prevent the whole nazi movement, it hasnt been invented in our timeline. but those hg wells fans say "well then why couldnt he save his girlfriend." to understand that, you must realize that hg wells was describing a theory that there would be only one timeline, and no alternate endings. now, assuming that he is correct and you wouldnt split into multiple realities, then his theory is correct. but if you go back and alter something and it does split, then he could have saved his girlfriend because his timeline is still going, just without him. so he could save his girlfriend and be fine, because true the him in the current reality wouldnt invent the time machine, but the him that did travel still would have. now this brings up the problem of 2 of him in the same place, one of them happy with his love, the other not. well, the him that time traveled could kill the him that didnt, but what would this be called? would it be considered homocide? or suicide?
ok, so that is a load off. i end work at KOAM on aug 15. this is great because it gives me time to get some sleep before my first day of college. things are just a skosch better. but now i gotta secure another job. shouldnt be TOO hard though.
so why is it, when someone says it cant get any worse, it does. im tired. im so fucking tired, and finally about to lose all hope in everything. why is it, some people i know sit here and steal, smoke, drink, fuck their brains out, and are perfectly happy. how is it, i have never in my life sat back and stole, smoked (anything) drank, and am still a virgin, yet i have to go thru all this shit. im emotionally drained, physically exhausted, and spiritually dying it seems. i wont even get a break. i go straight from working at television (im turning in 2 week notice today) to college. and i still have another job. i will be looking for another one as well, because theater wages arent quite the best. so ill still have 2 jobs, and college. but ill get to sleep at night. ill have partial days to have band practice, and play my heart and soul out on guitar. and still have yet nothing to look forward to. i wonder if it is finally thru. if all we have looked forward to, all we have worked for, is done. God i hope not. ive given her 5 years ive waited, im willing to wait another 9 months. if the entire world had lost hope except for me...as of now the world is finally completely hopeless.
i went to the gas station, and i filled my tank. gas was $1.52 a gallon.
i kinda consider my blogs my journal/diary. when i was at youth conference this past weekend, one of the speakers told us to go home, and write this in our journal. about how we should write things in our journal, because someone will read it. one day, my grandkids will read this and say "wait, grandpa went to a sta-tion and paid money for a combustable liquid? and then sat on it? and lit it on fire as transportation???" and then they will laugh at our ignorance and blatent stupidity.
dreams are an interesting phenominon. so is spelling. but on dreams, they are often fantasies, things you want to happen, have happened, or are going to happen.
ok, so why is it that when you are out of town, you notice all these little things that screw with your mind and keep it where you wish it wasnt at the time. such as i was in wichita, and all i could do is think about shelby because of little things everywhere. now, this is a good thing, but i went to wichita to get my mind off of everything. to relax a little if you will. but no, the fates cant let that happen, lets put little reminders all over a city 2 hours away so that all he does is think about the one problem he has right now...and how it could possibly end what is the greatest thing of his life...or on the other hand, make it stronger. but just cuz he doesnt wanna think about it, were gonna make him. oh well, cool stuff happened.
ok, ima get what i can before i have to work, if i get cut off, ill edit the rest in later.
so i was sitting at work watching parts of bruce almighty. as im sitting here, my mind starts to wander, and i think "what if it was me that inherited all of Gods power?" well, alot of people would probably do what he does: gain revenge on those that have done him wrong, help his girlfriend become more endowed, drive a fast as hell car...etc. well personally, i wouldnt worry about those that have done me wrong, ima rather forgiving person. (plus we will also get to why i wouldnt worry in a minute), 2, my girlfriend is already perfect (ok, so you are gonna go "how corny" or "yeah right" or something to that effect...but i dont care what ppl say, i do think shes rather perfect, and wouldnt have it any other way) and i think that using powers to get a faster car is a waste of ability and rather selfish thinking and anybody that would be so self absorbed as to use powers to get a car like that should be flogged and slowly roasted over an open fire....okay, it was hard to keep a straight face. of course id drive a saleen or ferarri, or lotus or astin martin, and id also perfect my nova.
the next thing id do is take a week off, and build my own little world. i mean, i spend all of my time off in my own little world anyway, why not make it official. of course, id take shelby with me. she is my world, and what would my own little world be without her. we could actually be together and nobody would say anything about it, because it is my world. now id give each member of her family an opportunity to come live on my planet, as well as my family. any one of them would have a choice to return any time they chose, but also giving up the privaledge of living in my world (ill get to the reason in a few minutes). Id also take a few of the loyal followers and ppl who have stuck by shelby and i thru everything that weve been thru, such as jessica, tasha, gabe, kelson, chris, jerad (kinda iffy here right now), and a few select others...+1 "guest" apiece. there would be a hard line to this world...in order to maintain contact with everybody else, but it would be a relatively isolated place. for transportation, i would use my powers to get cars like a 68 shelby gt 500, a lotus espirit turbo, shelby ac cobra, astin martin vanquish...etc. but they wouldnt run on gas...in fact they wouldnt run on anything...they would just run, indefinately. no problems with engines, no flat tires, nothing. perfect running until the end of my world. for food, there would be the equivilant of a fast food restaurant, except nobody working it, and real food. no cooking, no cleanup, etc. walk up to the window, say "id like some chicken cordon bleu, a side of kalamari, some crab rangoon, and a slice of pepperoni pizza" and youd get it (all non-fattening of course). Since music is my life...there would be sound basically piped into the streets. current music would be uplinked to my world from earth, and only the good stuff. if i wanted to hear a song i hadnt, it would automatically be done. of course i wouldnt choose all the music, cuz we got a wide variety of people there, but there would be different sections for different types of music. and of course (ok, so the other 2 members of my band would have to be there as well) kelson, stan, russ and i would have all of our equpiment and be able to still write and play music. and the final touch (shelby, you are gonna love this) chocolate and caramel grow on trees. not like the cheap stuff, im talking cadbury egg caramel, or the apple dip stuff. and the chocolate would be rich..as in liquid orgasm rich chocolate. basically the best chocolate and caramel possible...a delicacy if you will. now i wouldnt want (for when God took back over) to have it where 2 worlds had to be watched over, i mean, i figure with the few people we have, there shouldnt be much problems. but if we all start to reproduce, and eventually, we have 2 planets, full of whiney people that all need attention. so after i die, so does the planet. everybody would come back to earth, and live out the rest of their life. now in a perfect world (which it is by the way) i would die of natural causes...and at a time that both shelby and i are ready to die, so neither of us would have to be alone in this life or the next...too much of that already.